SQ Wisdom: Enjoy God's Creation
One of the academic objectives is to develop self-motivating students who can set their own goals and manage their limited time to achieve an optimal level of work. We, as parents, would like to have motivated children. The stressful condition is to see parents or children yell, scream, and being upset at each other. The constructive way is to have open and collaborative moments to complete the tasks and organize their efforts for the coming exams.
What things can we do and not do that will help our children develop self-motivation to achieve their goals? How would SQ help to boost self-motivation?
First, let us start with a question. Do we enjoy being around our kids? You might ask what does it have to do with motivating or disciplining our kids. Well, no one likes to be forced to do anything. If pushed, reluctance and resistance persist. Compliance is just short-lived, and it will not last.
"Enjoying" them is the result of seeing our children through this spiritual lens of creation. "Enjoying" is to reframe their behaviors with a touch of positive qualities. "Enjoying" is also a humorous way of looking at life's imperfection and be able to laugh at it. "Enjoying" is also synonymous with being hospitable or welcoming. When we enjoy being around someone, we tend to be friendlier and welcoming in our actions.
ENJOY
However, "Enjoying" your child is an attitude that will change the dynamic of the relationship. "Enjoying" your child is spiritual, and it's an attitude in seeing your child in the image of God.- One can see the beauty in the "cheeky" smile,
- Brilliance and creativity in the "clumsy" acts,
- Confidence in the "defiant" attitude
- Initiatives in the "self-preoccupied" play.
"Enjoying" them is the result of seeing our children through this spiritual lens of creation. "Enjoying" is to reframe their behaviors with a touch of positive qualities. "Enjoying" is also a humorous way of looking at life's imperfection and be able to laugh at it. "Enjoying" is also synonymous with being hospitable or welcoming. When we enjoy being around someone, we tend to be friendlier and welcoming in our actions.
EXPRESS CARE
When we "enjoy" or appreciate them, it's easier to express CARE, which is one of the five areas of Developmental Relationship we are learning together (downloadable handout from last week's blog).
When we enjoy being around our children, we want
Something is happening at a deep level. Our children absorb these nutrients of life and see themselves in the light of who we think they are through our actions. Our kids may say, "My mom and my dad like me. They want the best for me, and I am going to show them my best effort." Our children feel valued, special, and confident at the core. As they venture out and explore the world, motivations well up from the spring of this valued, special and confident self. Because your children feel that you care, they pay attention to you. Because of your gentle persistence, they trust your advice and encouragement. When your children show interest, discipline, and motivation in whatever they do, we in turn "enjoy" them more. "Enjoying" each other and express CARE towards their lives moves them onward in the pursuits of wisdom. It is an SQ way to develop self-motivating students.
- to spend time,
- to smile more,
- to show interest,
- and to speak with warmth.
Something is happening at a deep level. Our children absorb these nutrients of life and see themselves in the light of who we think they are through our actions. Our kids may say, "My mom and my dad like me. They want the best for me, and I am going to show them my best effort." Our children feel valued, special, and confident at the core. As they venture out and explore the world, motivations well up from the spring of this valued, special and confident self. Because your children feel that you care, they pay attention to you. Because of your gentle persistence, they trust your advice and encouragement. When your children show interest, discipline, and motivation in whatever they do, we in turn "enjoy" them more. "Enjoying" each other and express CARE towards their lives moves them onward in the pursuits of wisdom. It is an SQ way to develop self-motivating students.
Question #1:
How can I "enjoy" my kid when I feel frustrated with their behaviors (e.g., not doing their homework, repeated mistakes, open defiant, etc.)?Answer #1:
Frustration tells us that we need to step back and take stock of what we are disappointed in them. Frustration is a signal to help us regroup ourselves before we talk or act upon these intense emotions. When we are calmer and know what is not accomplished by our standards, we are ready to find out whether we need to accept our kids' limitations or re-engage them in a different way that may work. By creating space for ourselves to process our emotions and think, we will rediscover what is lovely and "enjoyable" about them.
Question #2:
Will my kid take advantage of my "enjoying" them?Answer #2:
Of course, kids are smart. It seems natural for them to test limits and push boundaries as part of growing a healthy self. By "enjoying" them and "express CARE," they will listen eventually. For most kids, they do listen earlier and quicker. For a small percentage of strong-willed kids, they need our patience and unwavering "CARE." After their journey of finding independence, they come to realize the wisdom we share.
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