SQ Wisdom: Stress Buster

Stress heightens when we face students’ preparation for the exams and upcoming holiday plans.  Parents need to develop preventive strategies to relieve stress before it spills over.  It is wise to create enough emotional and interpersonal space for dealing with stress.  It is also practical to set up behavioral and relational boundaries to reduce conflicts and tensions.

Stress Buster #1- Stop Comparing

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones (Pr. 14:30)

Comparing our child to another child is deadly.  It opens up an endless wave of inadequacy.  As parents, we will miss out on knowing the unique and true nature of our child.  As a child, they will feel inadequate and not as worthy in the eyes of their parents.  Our child may even internalize this comparing attitude not from parents but from their peers.  This becomes a hotbed for perfectionism to grow in these young hearts and minds.  It is not too late for parents to set behavioral boundaries in stopping comparisons.  We make time to create conversational space to dialogue with our children and let them see themselves through your appreciation and the beautiful lens of God’s creation.

Stress Buster #2- Stop Rushing

Rash language cuts and maims, but there is healing in the words of the wise (Pr. 12:18)

When we rush and squeeze too many things into our schedules, we burst out into hurtful words, like shaming and guilt-ridden statements.  We need to remind each other to pause.  We benefit from setting this behavioral boundary to stop.  When we take a break, we can breathe, feel, and think.  Breathing deeper will allow our central nervous system to kick in the self-adjusting mechanism to relax our body, release tension, and recharge our batteries.  We can then access our feelings that are driving our actions subconsciously.  An adjustment made so that we are guided by constructive emotions rather than by destructive impulses.  Overall, our brains will come online to gain this mental space to think, make a judgment, and act wisely. 

Stress Buster #3- Stop Anxious Thoughts

Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up (Pr. 12:25).

Anxious thoughts blind us to want to fix our kids immediately rather than see the developing minds take time.  Anxious thoughts overwhelm us and, in turn, paralyze our kids.  When we feel anxious, it is a signal that life’s weight is getting heavy.  “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (I Peter 5:7) is a good reminder that God cares.  Many around us care.  Receiving help is a sign of self-confidence and strength.  When we can receive a kind word, our hearts are lifted.  We are cheered up.  Our hearts can be at peace. We, as parents, can speak kind, encouraging, and healing words to our kids.

Transforming Stress...

One parent shares:  In our family, we actually perceive exam time as something fun.  The days are shorter, and mommy picks up the child and eats lunch afterward.  Mommy gives the child a bookmark for each exam day with words of love on it.  The child continues to have choices over attending their weekly sports or extracurricular activities.  The child studies for 30 min. and have a 15 min. Break to do their favorite things, like, skipping ropes, playing Monopoly with siblings, etc.  Younger siblings admire their older ones for having fun in preparing for exams and taking exams. (Comment: This family is actually applying the SQ skills in supporting the child by actions, affirming the child in words, respecting their choices, and structuring appropriate boundaries in setting study and playtime, respectively.  The family is creating an optimal environment for learning and preparing for exams).