Part 3 of 4: Adolescent Friendships

Proverbs 18:24

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Friendship is the most talked-about experience for teenagers.  Friends provide each other with security, a sense of belonging, valued, supported, and help.  Friendship also becomes the stage for social experiments.  They try out different roles and identities.  They experience each other emotional intensities and solve relational conflicts.  They learn about forgiveness, acceptance, and love.  Teens need empathic listening as they navigate through the landscape of friendships.  Teens need our patience and grace to support them through heartaches and pains.  Teens need space to try on their different roles among friends.  Teens need our full acceptance when they reconnect with us after their experimentations.

SQ parents are also concern about their values and faith as it expresses through their friendship experiences.  Parents may want to explore the values behind their decision making, the beliefs behind how they interact with people, and the spirits of giving and receiving.

Teens value loyalty, honesty, courage, responsibility, generosity, patience, kindness, etc.  These values are not only desirable but can also be expressed in actions and words.  These values are to be cultivated and developed among friends.  Teens modify their idealism and develop beliefs that friendships may not last forever, people do change, and they can like and love different types of people.  They grieve through the loss of idealism, they feel frustrated over the unaccomplished dreams, and they feel anger over violated boundaries and injustices. 

SQ parents will spend quantity and quality time with their teens to process confusing values as observed in society.  Family members challenge each other in practicing their faith and values in daily life. 

Tips to support adolescents friendships:

➢    Listen and validate feelings behind the spoken words.

➢    Refrain from lecturing

➢    Look for signs of bullying, conflicts, and meanness.

➢    Ask good questions about feelings, thoughts, and actions.

➢    Refocus on the internal sense of safety and connection

➢    Encourage and expand the social circle.

Proverbs 15:1, 4 (MSG)

A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.

Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim.