Part 4 of 4: Adolescent Sexuality

Proverbs 5:18-20

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.  A loving doe, a graceful deer--- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.  Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife?  Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?

Judeo-Christian tradition has described human sexuality within the context of marriage.  Throughout history, the wider circle of cultures provides varieties and multiple views.  Today, our young people face similar options and may even have speedy access to these ideas.  Besides the external challenges, teens also face internal changes.

Puberty begins for girls between the ages of 10 and 14 and boys between 12 and 16.  The timing is determined by the interplay between genetics and the environment.  The physical change is accompanied by emotional, social, and cognitive changes.  Some children may experience gradual changes that help the transition into adolescence.  Some may experience discomfort in their bodies, unstable emotions, dichotomize thinking, and social withdrawal or conflicting social relationships.  Other teens may experience extreme changes that require extra care and professional attention.  Puberty changes them physically, hormonally, emotionally, in thought patterns, self-perception, and identity formation.

Parental attitudes and strategies for adolescent sexuality:

1.    Show care through words and actions towards the whole person and not just sexual issues.

2.    Be aware of the friends that they are spending time with.

3.    Parents may share their puberty experiences and allow room for adolescents to share their unique experiences.

4.    Parents may actively listen, respect privacy, and honor their daughters as ladies and their boys as gentlemen.

5.    Be factual about sexuality and avoid lecturing.

6.    Identify issues and learn together.

Issues to learn together:

1.    Body Image- Parents who demonstrate comfort in expressing physical intimacy (i.e., hugging, kissing) are building healthy body images for their children.  Adolescents who are confident and comfortable with their bodies do not need to compare with the advertised images or try to fit into a culture of superficiality.

2.    Masturbation- Our children explored their bodies and experienced pleasant sensations when they touched themselves.  Parents who are comfortable with their bodies and sexuality will stay open to discussing with their children.  Fear tactics and behavioral restrictions are not helpful.  Open talks with common sense will help adolescents remain healthy in exploring and discovering their sexuality.

3.    Pornography- Media and Social norms on this subject vary from culture to culture.  Adolescents are curious, and they have easy access to social media and their friends for explorations.  If families model and discuss moral values throughout the developmental years, adolescents may have a stronger foundation for exploring this issue.  However, if there is a lack of internalized values, adolescents will succumb to peer pressure and cultural winds.  Furthermore, pornography maybe just a passing experimental phase, but it also may appeal to the addictive side of certain types of people.  It creates a vicious cycle of addictive behaviors that hurt the individuals and the family long term.

4.    Gender Identity- Gender identity is a slightly different concept than sexual identity/orientation.  Gender Identity is defined as how a person may perceive oneself as male, female, neither, both, or androgynous.  Social media has provided more than 50 options to describe oneself.  On the other hand, Sexual identity/orientation is how one perceives oneself in a romantic relationship or sexually attracted to another person.  Some adolescents may need to talk through with confidants to learn more about their own identities and orientations.