SQ Wisdom: Balance Discipline

We usually are either too harsh or too lenient in our parenting style.  When we discipline our children, we act like a drill sergeant or a tourist who has lost his way.  We tend to discipline out of reactive fear.  We need to reflect and change our practices to regain a balance of love and logic, being gentle and firm, complimenting, and confronting.

Most of us discipline our children out of the habit and the familiar approach we picked up in our own family of origin.  These practices reflect our parents' attitude towards us or our reactions to their style that we dislike.  When we become aware of these imbalances, we change our habits and develop new practices based on lasting values.

Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.  (Proverbs 29:17)

A balanced approach to discipline gives priority to relationship building.  We respect the individuality and uniqueness of our children.  We speak in caring and affirming words.  We build up rather than tear down the person.  We experience peace as a result.

A balanced approach to discipline also gives equal weight to the cultivation of ethical and spiritual values.  We respect the benefits of boundaries setting based on sound values.  We allow our children choices and let them face up to the logical consequences of their decisions.  We also practice these excellent values ourselves, modeling the virtues of responsibility, self-discipline, delay of gratification, love of God, and His Word.  We become proud of them, and we can genuinely say that we delight in their maturing choices.

Balance discipline will bring about self-discipline.  Our goal is not to perpetuate a strict external disciplinary environment.  Our goal is to develop internal self-motivating and responsible self-control.  Ultimately, balance discipline builds a sturdy bridge in motivating oneself to accomplish what one sets out for.