SQ Parenting Summary

This past year, I am privileged to be walking alongside parents tapped into their spiritual resources and wisdom.  Our discussions, questions, and experiences are recorded in this blog.  As we conclude this year of learning together, there are three points to remember and our practices.  SQ Parenting is not only an attitude, but it also involves actions.

SQ Parenting can be summed up in these three words: PURPOSE, PRIORITY, and PLAN.

PURPOSE
We all agree that our children need internal motivation and purpose in life, and we also know that it is not achieved through classroom learning or parental instructions.  Lasting purpose or passion comes through, firstly, the critical years, childhood, and adolescence.  Secondly, it is developed through failures, struggles, and personal crisis.  Thirdly, children and adolescents will find a deeper meaning and purpose after dialogues and reflections with meaningful relationships, including peers and trusted adults.

As parents, we can be trusted adults if we know how to relate and dialogue with them in a meaningful way.  As parents, we need to reflect on our assumptions.  We are usually familiar with this thought, "I would like my children to become like...".  And yet, we also need to ask, "What kind of person have I observed that they are?".  These are the two approaches that we tend to operate out of.  The first view is full of assumptions and our values, which are important to be aware of.  Some of these assumptions and values help shape our children's development, such as our family heritage, strengths, and virtues that we would like to pass on.  The exclusive or extreme use of this former view is that our children may comply with fitting our expectations, or they will rebel fiercely against our will.  That is why we need to balance it with the second view.  This is the developmental view of understanding that God has made our children all different.  We need to observe and appreciate their uniqueness.  We need to accept developmental delays and intervene appropriately.  We need to challenge their potentials and seasoned with praises.  We need to create room and not fill up their times with organized activities and instructions. If we can be wise in observing their uniqueness and shape them in the direction of who they truly are, they will be healthy and happy.

PRIORITY
Parents have often ask, "Can we keep our good relationships and yet push them to achieve?".  In essence, we struggle with all sorts of responsibilities within a tight time frame.  We try to achieve the impossible, and we felt stressed.  We are doing too much, and we are disoriented.  We lose our tempers, and we fight each other. The simple solution is to reestablish priority.  Once we know what is important, we can put things in perspective and live, but not have to struggle daily.  When we build nurturing and affirming relationships with our children, they will, in turn, develop a loving relationship with themselves.  Motivation returns, discipline follows, and achievement becomes a natural consequence.

PLAN
Any sustainable changes, such as our desire to change our parenting styles and practices, come from awareness and actions.  I have observed that many parents are more aware of what went wrong and what needed to be changed.  What follows is a series of actions and plan to monitor and deepen the changes.  Let us draw up SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic with Timeline) plans with our spouses and begin the process of extending the benefits of SQ Parenting.  Thank you for being curious and open to journeying together.

In SUMMARY, SQ Parenting brings us back to experience what it is to be a child of God.  In turn, we may become like the loving Heavenly Father to our children and their generation.


Do check out these three books:
1. PURPOSE/PASSION
Element: How Finding Passion Will Change Everything by Ken Robinson
2. PRIORITY
Lost and Found: Money vs. Riches by Roger Lam
3. PLAN
Designing Your Life By How to Build a Well-Lived Joyful Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans